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#NUMBER 155ONEHUNDRED&FIFTYFIVE [Mar. 12th, 2008|02:00 am]
[Current Music |af607105|Charlotte Gainsbourg]

Eww, my last post was so pathetic. NEVER DRINK AND BLOG!
It's worse than drunk dialing... Natahna's mom once drunk dialed me...

Derek and I are fine.
Thought I would throw that out there.

Despite being very hung over today, we enjoyed ourselves... I am tired, so I am going to post some pics from when Naomi was here, and then I'm going to bed.

Naomi, Marcy, and Myself



bye
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#NUMBER 154ONEHUNDRED&FIFTYFOUR [Mar. 11th, 2008|02:00 am]
[Current Music |breakin' up|rilo kiley]

Dear world. I am Drunk. Derek, Krysta (sister of Natahna), and myself drank white wine, sangria, and peach/mango water, Bellini’s. Natahna arrived late, and therefore missed all the drinking/hot tubbing… those who don’t know, I have a hot tub. Derek is drunk to the point of sick, and I’m worried that he may puke. But that worry amounts to nothing when you look at how much of an asshole he has been… one sec, I think he’s barfing… FALSE ALARM! I think it was the fridge making odd noise.
Anywho! I worry that Derek is over me. The worry stems from a lack of interest and a lack of sex. Since the week prior to our moving to Victoria, our sex life has declined from once ever two days minimum, to twice a month average. I am 20! A very sexual being! I need sex more often and though as if I’m not open enough, I don’t masturbate, and so this is a big stress. I get mad after four days without sex. So imagine finding out the following:

1. Early in your relationship with your boyfriend, you find yourself constantly feeling inferior to his long time crush and best friend.
2. You move out together and suddenly your sex life dries up
3. You move out and your boyfriend starts looking at gay dating sites, though assuring you he isn’t looking for a new boyfriend and that he just finds the guys on the sites funny.
4. Your boyfriend gets a new computer and because of number three(above) you are worried that he will do more than just look at gay dating sites, just to find out he got off, on video, with random fifteen year olds and others on the internet. Though a onetime thing, it’s always in the back of your mind how easy it is to hide your tracks.
5. Your boyfriend tells you that “YOU” are not happy since you moved and that you are too dependent and that he needs space but you are still attractive to him… despite how not often he wants to have sex with you and how often he makes fun of you.
6. Imagine cleaning up in an attempt to make your boyfriend happy so he might want to hang out with you, and have a quiet night to yourselves, when you come across a drawer that won’t close. You investigate and find a book propped up preventing the drawer from closing, and while tidying you notice a corner of paper sticking out. You go to put it back in, thinking nothing of it, only to have it fall out with several other pieces of paper. When you go to hide the evidence you notice the line, “ he fucked me the night before you”… Surprise! Your boyfriend got fucked by/fucked(???) some guy who fucked your boyfriends crush/best friend the next day!
7. You confront him and he gets defensive: calling you out on random shit, like telling you he feels like he has to parent you, and all sorts of other shit you have felt vice versa.
8. You sleep in separate beds until you go to a party and get booze in your blood and coke up your nose and make up… Despite your boyfriends best friend telling you that if she were in your shoes things would play out different.
9. Imagine wanting to have sex and having your boyfriend shut down your every advance, when you do have sex he doesn’t notice that after he’s came you’re left high and dry, often not noticing how harshly long it has been since you had sex, and more than occasionally telling you how hot they find random guys.
10. Imagine waiting patiently for days, trying not to make any advances, but waking up making them, getting shot down, and then feeling pathetic.
11. Imagine your boyfriend going on and on about wanting to be buff to get him a better job and commenting on how hot muscled troglodytes are… knowing you are not buff… and knowing you have no desire to be buff.
12. Imagine coming home to find your boyfriend has been looking at raunchy, though YouTube allowed, videos of built guys crotches, body builders, etc…


All these things make me feel like shit… but I love him… though I feel like I miss him. He was so sweet, and so into me, and we had sex at the most random times all the time, and now I feel like I have to beg for him to have sex with me… I feel like shit. I want to move home, or get a good job and get away for a while… I want to know whether or not he is as into me as I am into him…
I feel pathetic, and I know I am for writing this, but this is what’s major in my life right now. I don’t know what to do, I do know I’m drunk, and if Derek doesn’t initiate sex with me by my next paycheck, I am using it to move home and I will rebuild from there.

That, or like always, I am over reacting...
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#NUMBER 153ONEHUNDRED&FIFTYTHREE [Feb. 3rd, 2008|03:00 am]
[Current Music |a&e|goldfrapp]

First things first,
Guess who's brunette!

Okay,

So this is tougher than I thought it would be. It's been over a year now, and I think I am now willing to accept what has happened.

My dad died. And nothing makes it better; things will probably never be as comfortable as they were. But it's been over a year, and I have learned how to deal. I don't know where to start but with the first high point I can remember after he had passed.

I was working at Starbucks, and this infamous guy(known slut/druggie) started coming into my store almost daily for weeks. He would come in with a friend, or friends, and I assumed that every time they laughed, it was at me. One night Kathleen, Katie and myself went to see Snow Cake, starring my personal favourite actress Sigourney Weaver, and for mentioned infamous guy was there too. The next day he and a customer who I always gave free cookies to(now dear friend Marjorie) came in together. We spoke, and I don't remember the details too clearly and whether or not it all happened this time, or another time, but he asked if I wanted to go out some time. I gave him my number, and then I started snubbing him... I don't know if I was scared, or nervous, or afraid of having my heart hurt more... but eventually we went on our first date at Cimo's.

(Oh, next time I'm in Peeg, Kathleen, Katie, we are going to eat Mediterranean fries till we burst.)

He picked me up in his moms van, he smelled delicious, and the date went well. We talked about mutual friends. How I knew him. How he knew me. How my cousins were friends of his, etc.

On our second date it was a repeat of Cimo's but when arrived he hurried to the door and told me he had spilled paint on the curb outside... I MUST REMEMBER TO PHOTOGRAPH THE PAINT WHEN I AM NEXT IN PEEG.

I don't remember if it was on this date, or before, but he took me to his house and showed me his dingbats, and whatserthings, and photos of his friends, him kissing his friends, his ex-boyfriends, and his naked body. I was really starting to like him, but I was having a hard time warming up to him. So it was perfect that we got drunk and went party hopping. 3 parties, way too much booze and the first time I made out with a guy where I actually felt something... and he felt something too... we had to wait to escape the bathroom because "something happened" to him... he also proclaimed that he couldn't believe he was making out with "hot tall blond starbucks guy." He came home with me that night, and shared my bed.

Three dates, now 10 months later, and we've moved to Victoria together.

I am mega tired so this is a short one,

G'night
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#NUMBER 152ONEHUNDRED&FIFTYTWO [Dec. 4th, 2006|10:00 pm]
[Current Music |you can do it ~ ice cube]

I worked all night long last night! Dreams of work are nuts! I was relieved getting up! How often does that happen?

AND OMGOMGOMG! Seta is three months preggers! Oh gosh! Oh Josh! You stud! Oh wow!

On my walk/running as fast as my legs can go voyage to work yesterday morning I was stopped by a gentleman of about 25 calling at me from his apartment. He wanted to know if I could see his weed plant from his window. He had hidden it behind another plant, but it was still peeking out from behind. So I called up that he should trim it back. He sounded offended and yelled, “I ain’t giving you my trimmings!”

“Is it high in here, or is it just me?”

Katie, Kat and I are all sitting on a bed leaning against the wall blitzed out of our skulls.
“Guys… we’re high… in a pink room…”
15 minutes later
“Guys… we’re still high… in a pink room…”


I strongly suggest everyone try some weed and watch a little film called The Producers. I laughed so hard. SO hard. That movie is brilliantly funny sober, so imagine it in a state of infinite giggly happiness barf. FANtastic!

Would I be a bad parent to name my potential future child Lucifer? I mean, he was once an angel, and supposedly God named him, and it’s a really gorgeous name! The reason I ask is because “I, Lucifer” by Glen Duncan is about to be made into a film and it just reminds me how much I love the name. Daniel Craig, Mr. Bond James Bond himself is going to be playing him. Oh how I love Layer Cake! Daniel! Why have I not seen you as Bond! I FAIL!

Anywho, I shopped yesterday, though I got nothing of any substance. I am going to go to College Heights with Mike today so he can get his new iPod Shuffle. I also need to send mail, but I am not sure how well I will do at this. I was attacked by cute kittens all night long. It was torture, and I’m not kidding. You cannot harm a kitten or even three, no matter how many times they scratches at your face and sit on your head. They are so annoying, but so cute. When they do get tuckered out and they lie with you and sleep, it’s just the cutest thing in the world.

On my way home from Danielle’s, where I spent the night, I saw a glamorous woman walking her equally glamorous afghan hound. I had never seen one before today, or if I had, I had not appreciated it for its graceful manner. It snowed another foot overnight, so it was quite the sight.

* * * * *


Okay, so I need to start posting when I am done writing. So anyways, since I left this… yesterday, maybe the day before, it’s snowed at least another foot. It is insane. Oh Em Gee! So much snow! Everywhere! It’s like being a midget in a normal winter! Speaking of people with dwarfism; The other day while waiting for the bus, I saw a small child—I am laughing so hard typing this—and blurted out with professional foot-in-mouth results, “Oh my god! Is that a midget!?!?” Mike and Amberlee were with me and we all were laughing stupidly hard. We may have been intoxicated.

Before we went out to the bus we were sitting in the mall atrium to stay warm, and some bratty children called us bums and swore at us and threw milk. It was infuriating. I wanted to throw them under a moving vehicle, but they were running so fast like mad folk that I didn’t have to worry. Yes, they were hit by a truck. The truck stopped and both of them were pinned under each other, under one wheel. Pretty intense if I do say so myself. And me, being the nice person I am, I made many jokes about road kill. They were dead by then of course. Mike went over and urinated on them...

Okay, I am totally making this up! They ran and played in the snow, they didn’t die, though now, if they did, I would feel horrible!

Anywho, today I had a fantastic time working, and I have the next two days off. I am excited! I also get paid on Friday, so hopefully I can catch up on a few more things.

Click on these to piss yourself laughing at what I can only hope is an epileptic cat , a Gremlin disguised as a dog, and the only cat I have ever wanted to adopt


Later,
GangSTARS
<3

Don't stop ninja, hit it!
I will!
Don't stop ninja, hit it!
I will!
Do it!
Do it!
Do it, do it to it!
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#NUMBER 151ONEHUNDRED&FIFTYONE [Nov. 29th, 2006|05:00 pm]
[Current Music |lovestoned/ithink she knows [interlude] ~ justin timberlake]

So we are on official Blizzard warning for the first time in my life. SO EXCITING! SO COLD! SO… miserable.

I will start with some sweet misery, so that the happiness is more so in comparison.

My neighbour of sixteen years just died. He was old and had Alzheimer’s and kidney failure, but it’s tragic all the same. I feel so stomach in my butt for Trudy. Loosing a husband must suck.

I won’t even venture farther into that, cause if I do… ouch…

Anywho, that is all the bad I can remember… apart from nearly suffocating on the cold this morning on my walk/run to work. It was scary. I had a toque, and a scarf and everything! It was SO cold… but luckily I didn’t work the day before yesterday, when it was minus 33C! I would certainly be dead if I had.

SPEAKING OF DEATH! (Reoccurring theme what?) I woke at 2am to the most realistic and horrifying car crash dream I ever did have. In it Naomi was driving up 15th on the corner of Central, and she was in a terrible accident… And it was awful. Then today, when she was dropping me off after taking amusing photos for her band (PLUG!) The Arbitrarys, we lived through the exact dream minus the crash of course. The scary thing is that just down the road where Ospika and 15th meet, Naomi was almost in an accident the other day. CREEPY! Today after taking pics of the band (Naomi and Josh) we went to Than Vu (sp?) and had some eats. Vietnamese is the bomb! More about Asians coming up soon.

In slightly amusingness: A while ago someone attempted suicide, and luckily for me, and for them, and the rest of the world, they were unsuccessful. Anyways, I was talking to this person on the phone last night when I looked at my wrist and saw a scratch running the length of the vein on the underside of my arm. Of course I decided to verbalize this as, “Oh wow! It looks like I attempted suicide!” Luckily for me nothing but laughter ensued. It was actually quite hysterical. I think that laughing was very much needed.

That is one of many, many documented cases of my foot-in-mouth disease. Yesterday on the bus there were two other incidents. On a bus loaded with Asian students I noticed one who was mega bundled up outside at the bus stop. I meant to ask if that person was freezing and if they should be on this bus. But all I got out was, “Is that an Asian?!” before I noticed what I said and hid my face. Also, the bus kept going over these huge snow bumps, and every time we would I would comment on how it was like we were driving over dead bodies. Katie asked why I kept saying so, and I commented that I had just watched Hotel Rwanda. For those of you who have not seen this film, you now must.

In past news, I went to Vancouver, and saw Joel Parisien and his band NewWorldSon perform, hung out a bit, and went to a gay bar where there were unexpected strippers in showers. It was far too amusing. I also ate felafels, and I don’t remember what else…

Umm, I have been getting signed up for banking, and get this! I am signed up for RRP’s! How brilliant! Hopefully by the time I am old and wrinkly, I will have a large sum saved up to create an indestructible robot, hell-bent on global destruction! (I am now on the FBI’s ten most wanted list)

I am going to play with photos now, so later betches!


PS. Post 151 in honour of Mew, the 151st Pokemon. THAT’S RIGHT!

PPS. I work from 9-5 tomorrow!
My baby takes the morning train
he works from nine till five and then
He takes another home again
to find me waiting for him
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#NUMBER 150ONEHUNDRED&FIFTY [Nov. 23rd, 2006|01:30 am]
[Current Music |rock steady ~ all saints]

This site makes me happy:

OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK


I work at Starbucks now, and that is pretty excellent. And I am now working for the boutiques in town doing photoshoots to try entice people into shopping downtown again. Other than that, life is *POO*. Complete and total *POO*. A million and one not good things have happened lately, and though they are nearly impossible to ignore all the time, work and people are good at keeping me distracted. I might start blogging again. It has been ages and ages since my last post.



PS. I am not depressed or suicidal or anything, just totally bummed.
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#NUMBER 149ONEHUNDRED&FORTYNINE [Sep. 14th, 2006|03:30 am]
[Current Music |our hell ~ emily haines & the soft skeleton]

I’ve decided my life goal is to become rich enough to become addicted to plastic surgery. Oh the faces I would go through. I think I would eventually look something like Michael Jackson, but instead of bleached skin, I’ll be without skin at all. Okay, I’ll have just enough so that each of my bones will be entirely distinguishable from the next. Before that though, I will have liposuction to remove all my fat from my entire body and put it all into my lower eyelids, so I can look like one of those funny goldfish. You know, the ones with the huge bags for lower eyelids? I will be so glamorous! I can’t wait!

Am I the only one who cried at the news of Steve Irwin’s death? How terrible! He was such an enthusiastic entertainer, and a committed conservationist. I am surprised that George W. Bush didn’t declare war on those terrorist stingrays of the evil nation of The Great Barrier Reef. Oh Steven! WHY? I feel so sad for his wife and kids. I am also terribly depressed about the School shooting in Montreal. Them Frenchies are gonna give us Canadians a bad rep… Totally kidding! You can leave that to me!

I am also sad for all the friends who are off the Victoria and other locations for school. It’s a miss/jealously thing really. I unfortunately missed many goodbye parties, and for that I am terribly sorry. I will venture to visit you all!

Anyone else totally shocked that Tomkat made a gorgeous baby and not an alien? Hopefully she isn’t brainwashed Scientologist. I often wonder how celebrities get so stupid, but then I remember, they were all raped… or aaaalmost raped. AKA This one time their uncle looked at them and smiled.

In other celebrity gossip, that I for no reason that I can come up with care about, Poor Anna Nicole Smith. I can’t imagine what having the joy of a new daughter to the mourning of a son must be like. That would be so messed up.

In happier news! iPods just got WAY too cool. For those of you who have not yet seen the new Shuffle, it is the cutest thing I have seen in ages. It’s super tiny, clips anywhere, holds a gig of music, and a battery life of 12 hours. And for under $100, I think I may consider getting one. I still want a new video iPod despite having a perfectly fine non-video one. I think it’s really cool to have the possibility to watch movies and television on it, but a major pain that they are only available in the states. I actually probably would never watch movies on it unless I was on a bus trip or something, so I really don’t need one.

So The Set was here last night, and it was pretty awesome. I stayed at the front of the show with Katie and Aisha, and had a blast being pushed around by the moshpit behind me. I was sort of creeped out by the random who at one point started to gently run their finger up and down my spine. Awkward! Katie and I left after The Set’s set because we were tired, and so we had some tea at her apartment (Earl Grey with Jasmine) and then I walked home. My shoes really should be retired, but when I walk in them they make a soft beat that makes walking places fun. I was quietly whispering lyrics to the beat of my shoes as I walked home, and I actually wrote my first non-total crap song. Katie and I are now determined to construct a band. Though, this has happened many times before. Ha-ha

Katie, Kat and I were all wearing disgustingly GAP-like clothing today which turned into an on going, all through the day, joke. My favourite was when we were lying in the sun at the school field.

Katie: This is SUCH a GAP ad.
Me: But there are bugs. There are no Bugs in GAP ads!

For the past forever, Katie, Kat and I have been known to randomly break out into song and interpretative dance, and as luck would have it the past two days have been chalked full of it. It started two nights ago when Katie didn’t want to sleep alone at her apartment. She came over and we watched Josie and the Pussycats, and when we were supposed to be sleeping we were coming up with the most random bull. There was hiding under the blankets from ghosts and zombies, and discussions about how hiding under the blankets perfects you from scariness. And then there was the sharing of dreams (coming soon) and then the talk of portals, and how ‘fart’ can be used to make songs and entire novels comedy (“Everybody -----“ and “---- of Darkness”) and then last, the beginning of all the song and dance. My blanket had somehow got stuck under the barbell next to me, and so when I freed it I sang “Cant hold us down!” In reference to the song by Christina Aguilera. We were sleep deprived, so I was all very funny to us at the time.

The next day we were on our way to complete a few errands and found that we had “Total Eclipse of the Heart” stuck in our heads. We were singing and walking and being overly expressive, and then it hit; “Eternal Flame”. We were acting retarded! Soon we were remixing “My Humps” with “Hot in Herre”. “I am getting so hot, I’m gonna take my humps, my humps, my humps…” Then it got obscene with a little “When I think about you I wanna fuck you like an animal”. While being GAP kids today we continued our ways, while also reminiscing about such unfortunate hits as “Liquid Dream”. Has everyone seen that Audrey Hepburn commercial for GAP? It verges on the cutest flashback ever. CLICKYCLICKYCLICK

I know there are a million things I should blog about, but I am going to have to sleep now.

I shall finish with a little act of hilarity that I wish everyone had witnessed for its “at the time” value. Amberlee, Sarah and I were chilling in the living room when the undeniable urge to intrude my father’s wallet creeped upon Amberlee. When she opened it and saw the photo of my dad inside, she quietly whispered, “Papa?” SO FUNNY! I was laughing so hard for a good half hour and then I would crack up again randomly when I thought about it. Oh the tears of laughter.

LATER!



Note to self: Get Cellular Phone
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#NUMBER 148ONEHUNDRED&FORTYEIGHT [Aug. 18th, 2006|03:30 pm]
[Current Music |jive jones ~ me myself and i]

Wolfmother(the band) sound like what you would get if Ozzy Osbourne and Jamiroquai were made of mercury and melted and then reformed into one super being much in the way of that robot with the number name from the second Terminator flick melts and reforms. I love the Terminator films. I love Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest! Jerry Bruckheimer really knows what he is doing. And so does the person who thought to mix blueberries and green tea! Wicked awesome beverage it is! Though the idiot who designed the container is well… an idiot. It took using pliers to open it. Thankfully my father took over. I sort of rubbed my hands raw trying to open it.

Oh August ninth, two-thousand and six, I became the proud uncle of Destiny (Tiny) Diane Jas Kerbrat. She is so cute and has such tiny little fingers! Long, but tiny! She’s so sweet, and she has her daddy’s ears, and she only cries when he holds her… It shouldn’t be, but it’s terribly funny. I have unfortunately only seen her once so far, which is making me crazy, but I am sure once mommy is recouped, she will bring her around. That or my mother will kidnap her. She does such babynappings frequently.

In other news, I saw Mr. Mathew Good. It was spectacular. He was witty and funny and read from Worst Case Scenario books. He also spoke about that hate spreading, anorexic bitch we all know and love, Ann Coulter. It was pretty cool that he remembered the town and reminisced about the local bar, The Generator. But yeah, he was brilliant. He performed alone, and it was uber swell! The lights kept going out though, so some guy had to help him out by holding a flashlight every once in a while. The sky was gorgeous that night. There were a few coloured lights shining up into the tree canopies and they were stunning… when they were on.

None of the street lamps on my street light up at night anymore, which is cool for stargazing, but terrifying when random people deliver the newspaper at 3 bloody A-M. I didn’t know who would be at my step at 3am, so I got my dad to check it out. Cause I’m strong and manly!

Also, CONGRATULATIONS SETA & JOSH! They were happily married on the twelfth. I didn’t remember until literally an hour before the ceremony though. The reason lies within the events of the night before.

The previous night Diondra and Naomi kidnapped me. Ally joined us, and soon we were off getting rum that turned out to be vodka and champagne. Once again, the sky was absolutely phenomenal. For about half an hour Naomi and I sat and chatted alone drinking the champagne and admiring the shooting stars that turned out to be a meteor shower. When were rejoined we played on an elementary school playground and sang Spice Girls. We were offered donuts by Shane West, and eventually we were nearly run over by Tanner, Mitch, Jamie, and Chris. We ran. They ran too. And we were left with a straggler. Actually, we were expecting him. Yes, Jamie joined us.

Soon Diondra found herself wanting a bed to sleep in, so we retuned her to her mother, and continued on. We were going to take Jamie home, but none of us were ready for sleep just yet. So, instead we went to yet another elementary school playground and played, and some peed. It seemed totally normal at the time to pee down the staircase! (I didn’t do it) OH! There were these sweet monkey bars that from now on whenever I find myself intoxicated I want to sit on. Watching shooting stars and the moon and the haunting clouds from up there was magnificent!

Eventually we got bored and lost Ally, so once we found her, we made our way down to Wilson Park, where we all rested on the riverbed and watched more shooting stars and the sunrise.

After a bit we went on a voyage to take Ally home. We stopped at another playground, this time in a park, and admired the sunrise. There was a gentle pink wash straight across the whole sky, and then little blue blotches going in lines perpendicularly. The blue clouds had a rapidly growing neon pink edge that was breathtaking. And then it was gone. In literally a second, all the pink edges vanished. We were all like, “WTF! Where did it goooo!?! DO we be CRAzZzZy?”

Yeah, and then we split with Jamie, so Naomi and I slept at my house. We made blueberry pancakes when we woke, and then I remembered the wedding. It was chaos. In an hour we ate, I got Keri and Kathleen forewarned, and we got there, in suit! Oh yes!

Katie moved into her new apartment. I love. Also, I saw AJ for the first time in a long time. Or so it seems. Miss the kid I do. And I got a book In Me Own Words: The Autobiography of Bigfoot by Graham Roumieu. It’s so funny. Here are my favourite poems that make me happy:

LOVE IS SAD
Man on funny car
Me love!
Want for Bigfoot wife
One day me catch
Try make baby
But you head collapse
Like sock full of eggs
Me Cry
Birds cry too
Me sad

Stop, Smell Rose
Where you go
Man on Road?
Why you run
When me want to talk?
You manners bad
So me learn you good
Tear off legs
So no more run. :)

Riding Bike
Tree is gone
So is bike
Bike Chained to tree
Some me stral truck
Back into you
While you ride me bike.
You could scream help
But me eat you face.

Do you know what else makes me happy? Gorgeous transsexual male asian singing dancing sensations! That’s what!

Lady ~ Lady’s Night

I have no idea what they are saying, but the music is so catchypopsuperhappyfuntime that I really don't even care!

I know, I know, everyone hates when blogs become nothing but videos, but I am sorry, I simply must share all this awesomeness!

If you are in need of a ridiculously hard laugh, click HERE

And in honour of the catchy late summer hit song and interweb favourite movie, I give you:


"We need to get these mutha fuckin’ words off my mutha fuckin’ shirt!"

And finally,

I figured Craig would get a kick out of this:
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

PS. Keep your eyes peeled for Pink's new single U + Ur Hand. The video is gorgeous... though totally just all about the glamour. I want to pull those diamonds out of her teeth. I think I would like her more if she let me. :P
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#NUMBER 146ONEHUNDRED&FORTYSIX [Jul. 26th, 2006|04:15 pm]
[Current Music |heart go faster ~ davey brothers]

I have been spending most of my time in bed. I am horribly depressed. My parents know, but I am able to get just pissy enough that they back off. Though I really just want to sit and talk with my mom. She knows that I want to talk to her though, she has for about a year, but she avoids all situations where we are alone. Whenever we are alone, there is complete and utter silence. Some of my depression has been enhanced by the uber mega infuriating news that my father has been given an estimate of how long he has to live, and that his bloody brain tumours are back with a vengeance. They are growing at a very much increased rate.

The funny thing is that just before this terrible news, there was a news report on one of those condescending god-like news shows that entrance the masses with totally unfounded scientific facts about miracles and scandals that really should be investigated properly or forgotten all together, where this nineteen year old boy was curing people with terminal illnesses, like cancer. I thought he was a quack and a fraud and a silly bastard, but now I just want him to make my dad all better…

I should call Kathleen and make sure she is not dead. She had a terrible kidney infection and was in the hospital. I felt bad for not seeing her, but then again I hadn’t been seeing anyone as I had just got the news about my father and had been spending my days spread across my bed or my couch. I really need to shower.

My hair is ridiculously long. I am gonna photowhore myself at some point today. Too many people are here currently. I will probably put my hair into a ponytail… just because I can… I just realized that Marcy has most of my makeup still. I will need it back at some point, if you read this. But for now just enjoy the south!

It is SUCH a relief to finally have some cool weather. We have just left the longest heat wave in all the recorded weather of Prince George’s history. It was pretty unbearable some days. I have had offers to take photos of people and their children, but I do not own a tripod, nor do I have the slightest idea of how much to charge. I think I will just have to discus what they expect to pay versus what I need to be paid. Need, what a terrible word.

I have to write some e-mails, so I leave you all with this:


I love Dannii Minogue. This is her video for “So Under Pressure”, her third single off her yet to be released new album. I am madly in love with the 80’s/pin-up girl vibe and how simple and gorgeous the vid is.


PS. Is it terrible that I think Keisha Chante's death would provide a huge service to Canada's music scene? She is absolute garbage, and a total embarrassment to herself and Canada as a whole. I hope she just disappears, and I never have to hear her crappy wannabe Kelly Clarkson meets BOND piece of shit song on the radio. I will destroy any mixCD's I find with her bull on it. I am sorry, but anyone who can support her or spread word of her existence needs to re-examine themselves. I know this seems terribly hypocritical of someone who posts vids of Dannii Minogue on their journal, but it isn’t. Take my word for it. <3
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#NUMBER 145ONEHUNDRED&FORTYFIVE [Jul. 12th, 2006|04:00 pm]
[Current Music |no compromise ~ paul oakenfold (ft spitfire)]

So I was offered $200 to take some drygrad photos for DPTODD a little while back, and I did everything I was supposed to, and yet, I have not been paid. I am furious times twelve over the whole deal, and am considering screaming bloody murder.

I worked today, at Fabricland. Inventory is a bitch! My arms are so sore, and I had the pleasure of spending the whole day with a boy who didn’t understand that pulling up ones pants, or actually using the belt they were wearing, would save my corneas from the hair rug, that was his ass. Yes, I am mean, but come on, no sleep and hours of weighing fabric… I think I deserve to be catty.

On the plus side, I totally found tons of fabric I am dying to turn into dresses… I shall need to learn to sew! Well… sew better.


Ooooo! I have funny drunk stories!


1) I went camping with Kat and Katie and a bazillion other folk out at Danielle’s ‘cabin’ for her birthday. I drank much, and smoked loads and witnessed Theo’s magical 14 minute fall into the lake. She just didn’t stop falling! It was priceless. Also, I met a girl who I was told all night I was not allowed to like. We were talking and getting along great, and then I asked her name. Needless to repeat, iIt was her, the biatch I was supposed to hate… The next morning I found her quite annoying and less than cool. Her ‘sex me’ issues were perverse and immature.(Cause you know, I am SO mature myself) I at one point was being hot boxed in a car, and found myself needing to barf. I left the vehicle and found my way to the tent were I crashed.

Not the best story, though it was a spectacular night. The best story actually takes place hours before all the drunken tomfoolery. We were trying to make are way out to Tabor Lake, but my terrible direction taking skills had us all the way out in Hixon. (45 minutes away from town) We decided to get some ice-cream and then we asked for directions again. It was fun telling everyone how we got so lost. It went like so:

“So, we all wanted ice-cream, and so we thought, ‘where can we find the greatest ice-cream?’ I think Hixon would be a mighty fine place to acquire our much needed ice-cream fix! HOW SWELL! “

And that was the story we stuck to.


2) On Canada day I wandered down to the river with many folk, including the much missed Elodie. How I miss thee! I drank so much so fast that I don’t remember the night. I don’t even remember falling face first into the fire, or Mike and Lor changing me into shorts. I do remember climbing a hill and puking into a white toilet. I also remember puking on the ground and listening to someone play Theory of a Dead Man. Now, I supposedly hit on Zack. I seriously do not remember that happening and I am terribly sorry if it did indeed occur. I woke to being in only my boxers and a shirt, and my bottom half hanging humorously over the edge of mikes bed.

I got up after everyone else had left so I spent a few hours chatting with Michael’s mummy. I then made my way to Kathleen’s, were Katie was house-sitting. She made me hangover food.


3) Unnamed female and I were sitting in my basement watching Titanic with the actor’s commentary(something I do far to often) chatting with Craig while downing much alcohol when we decided to go on an adventure to our elementary school, which is luckily only 321 steps away from my house. We climbed on top of the school and walked around, and then got the best idea ever! NAKED TIME! Yeah, we ran around the school naked. It was far to funny… and freeing!

We also played in the sprinklers and swung on the swings.


Not really a drunken story, but last night I did something fun, that had to effect on the others whom I was with. I had the most vivid dreams last night. They were like old school acid movies, but better… and one of the dreams was so pretty. Images kept changing from beautiful women walking to a cityscape, and then on and on until my alarm went off.

Um, I don’t really know what else to say. I think I am going to take a nap, and maybe doodle some.


LATERS<3


EDIT 5pm

So Nikko just came by, and gave me my check for $200. I really hope she didn't read this, cause I was sort of kidding, and the last thing I would want is for her to be offended. I got her number though, and I plan on hanging with her tomorrow. Maybe a movie, maybe many, or maybe just a simple but delicious coffee date?
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#NUMBER 144ONEHUNDRED&FORTYFOUR [Jun. 24th, 2006|07:00 am]
[Current Music |stay home ~ self]

Dude Faces and Lady Breasts! Gather around, for I Paul… have found myself with nothing better to do then to blog…

Today is my last day of Accutane. I haven’t been sleeping well. I am excited to get back to normal. It’s far too hard to force yourself to do absolutely everything. Bring on the mania!

I am listening to the A-teens… anyone remember that band? No? Well, I found them on an old mixCD. They bring me way back to the preteen days. How sickly.

I am very much modeling a towel at the moment. And my basements temperature totally has my nipples cutting diamonds. Yeah, I got out of the shower a good three to four hours ago. Oh well, my rents are en route to Mexico at the moment. It should be an enjoyable time for them. I totally have to clean up after the company last night. I should take magical before and after photos. Thank gosh my father didn’t want to take his camera.

Speaking of cameras! I totally am retarded and a million years ago, only not really, when The Set came to town, not only did I entirely forget they were coming, but when I was picked up, I forgot my camera. And guess who showed up?! Scott Loudoun, AKA, LJ’s [info]scottage_cheese! He’s touring with them. I felt mega rude though as I kinda didn’t talk with him much. Mostly because when I was picked up I was preparing to sleep. I had just taken my jeans off when I heard the screaming of Diondra.

Kat, Kate and I all have been chilling together most of the spare time we have. Our co-dependency issues are freakish. Like we looked it up in a psychology book, and we all should basically be in ‘stand up on your own two feet’ therapy. The symptoms are perfect to a T! I think I might have pneumonia. I have all those symptoms too. Caughing up flem. DE Liscious! I should go see my doctor. I’ve kinda been hoping it’s just the worst case of hay fever ever… that, or maybe I’ve been possessed by the devil. Somebody exorcize me!

How I am missing my iPod. Its trip to China with Bo-Yi is hindering my desire to exercise. She and myPod will be home soon. My mother got an iPod Video. It’s very shiny. I put retarded amounts of video podcasts on it for her. I hope she likes fashion and crude cartoons as much as I do. *grin*


QUOTES!

Paul “Sandwiches bring out the best in everyone!”
Kat “YOU CHEESELESS HACK!”


Okay, so it’s only one quote. GET OVER IT! I can just tell you’re just fuming over my deception. I did write “QUOTES!”—OH MY GOD! Dream! Do you remember Dream? That craptastic popallgirlyslutband? Well they are on this mixCD too!—Anywho, seriously, there are more important things than quotes… like funny stories!

So, the other day Kat was digging through her freezer to find orange juice. She grabbed it, I said hi, and next thing I knew, Kat had thrown the orange juice at my face, recoiled in fear, and somehow managed to catch it before it broke my face… Then today when we were walking down my scary hallway of doom(sarcasm) my brother came out of his room, Kat freaked, and she threw me at him… SO much love. I am sure there are other stories of her freaky-deakyness almost resulting in my perishing. It’s comforting to know that if we were being chased by a psycho killer through the woods, and I tripped, she would be responsible.

OKAY! More funny stories!

There is this gang of drug dealers in town who refer to themselves as “The Crew”. They did terrible things to some coke junkie, like holding her prisoner in her home and stuff, but yes, that’s not funny. What IS funny is that the other night Katie and I thought that maybe Kat and Hailey would happen to be at Tim Hortons. So upon our arrival the doors were open but the place was entirely deserted. I made the comment that, “maybe ‘The Crew’ had been through.” Katie didn’t find this humorous. Nor did she find an earlier comment witty. I let it known that perhaps an alien invasion were about to come and kill us all. My logic was that I had been leaving half full and half empty(same thing) glasses of water everywhere. For those of you who haven’t seen Signs, do me a favour and play a game of Russian roulette. But make it interesting, leave all but one chamber loaded.

So I really do need to stick to one project. I have two more. One is to create retarded animations of the amusing. Like for instance, what is Amanda Lepore’s real goal in life? Well of course it’s to lick her nose! For those of you who have seen my impression of this, I am sure you will enjoy it. And then there is James St James. Oh to interview that almost 40yearold boy, why would he sit still? And what would he wear? It doesn’t matter if the interview has already begun, he simply must look FABULOUS! And then there’s that murderer Michael Alig. Oh how his draino fetish is simply unquenchable… haha. Of course there would be many others to make fun of… like Operah!

Yeah, that’s my other project. I want write a novel called “Oprah Hates White People”. I will do it by scanning every moment of her television career, all her magazines, and books for comments that lead me to document such thoughts. Because of Oprah’s name in the title, it would be an instant best seller. Then I would be on her show, tell her it was all for fame, and that I respect her and what she is doing to empower women, yadda, yadda, yadda. And then, I would get to witness… the “ugly cry.” HOW THRILLING!


Anywho,
That is enough for now…


LATERS!

PS. I am going to try to create something everyday.
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#NUMBER 143ONEHUNDRED&FORTYTHREE [May. 20th, 2006|06:30 am]
[Current Music |operate ~ peaches]

Feel like having your inteligence abused?

Click Here

Read the comments

PS. New layout too much?
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#NUMBER 142ONEHUNDRED&FORTYTWO [May. 13th, 2006|07:00 am]
[Current Music |none, lor is sleeping]

Oh goodness, am I smashed! I slept for a while, but for some reason I just can’t seem to drift off again. Lorilee is snoozing but 10 feet away, and I hope I don’t wake her. I think tonight was fun; I just have to remember it all.

I believe it started when I made plans with my parents to have my birthday dinner on Sunday, and to go out with friends tonight. Then I went out with Mike and Lor and got coffee and a music card for itunes… My second in two days. I’M ADDICTED! Then we went to the liquor store and I bought my first alcohol. Yeah, I didn’t drink a damn thing on my birthday. Of course things didn’t go smoothly, there just had to be complications. Apparently if your ID is expired they don’t have to serve you. Luckily though, because it was my birthday, the lady let me buy my uber cheap Bacardi Vanilla Rum. We continued on to Save On Foods to get some chaser (coke) and then we were set.

We ended up back at Mike’s and invited Jess, Josh, and Colin to join us. Lor picked up Jess and the other two just sort of showed up. Josh and I made a magical voyage to the liquor store again and got him some beers. (He told me of is ill contempt with his current girlfriend and her lithium cocktail of metal stabilizers) It’s hysterical that people think he is older than me… also a little awesome. Anywho, we needed a place to drink, but we were unable to remain a Mike’s so we agreed to go to Spruceland Elementary School and to booze it up on the playground. Lor and I took her truck to my place so that we could crash here and the others met us there.

I am retarded and a bad Canadian because I can’t tell you what exactly we drank, but I think it was a 2 6… however you say it? Whatever, within 5 minutes I was smashed and it was all gone. There was a little drama, and then I said things I shouldn’t, and then there was the best thing ever! Well, sort of… Um, Josh kissed me… OH HOW I LOVED IT! Then I continued my ‘saying too much’, and then Jess walked home alone… She didn’t e-mail me, so I am hoping she is still alive. I should have walked her. Anywho, there was more kissing, and then there was more talking, and then Mike, Josh and Colin made there way home, and Lor and I talked… me again, too much. But it was all really fun… There was a third kiss before he left. GOSH! All I wanna do is cuddle right now!

Lor and I watched Casper until we crashed, and then I woke, and now I can’t sleep. I am hoping the writing thing will help. Tonight I am supposed to go bar hopping with Nicole, Sylvie, Amy, Vivian, and my bro, but I am poor again, so I am not sure how that will work out. After our voyage out on the town, Vivian and I plan on getting some alcy-drink, and hanging with Katie.

JOSH AND I KISSED! Oh, I feel embarrassed, with my chapped lips, and probable bad breath… Oh me, oh my.

So, I have 363 days left till my next birthday, but also to achieve fame. And not the good kind, the stupid “who the fuck are they” kind. I actually have a plan which makes this all fun. I think this is my current favourite waste of time. Hahaha.

Oh, sweet words. I am happy I heard things I did today… I should sleep… I’m not tired though, just drunk, so I shall make a list of the 20 songs I downloaded legally yesterday!

L-L-Love (acoustic) ~ Blondfire
Beautiful Day Without You (Rex the Dog Remix) ~ Röyksopp
Beautiful Day Without You (Cass and Mangan Remix) ~ Röyksopp
Beautiful Day Without You (Wighnomy & Robag Whruhmes Spekkfakkel Remikks) ~ Röyksopp
Beautiful Day Without You ~ Röyksopp
Talk (Junkie XL Remix) ~ Coldplay
Talk (Francois K Dub) ~ Coldplay
Talk (Thin White Duke Mix) ~ Coldplay
Heartbeat (Phones Maximo Remix) ~ Annie
Rabbit Pushing Mover ~ Toy
Circuit Breaker ~ Röyksopp
Follow My Ruin ~ Röyksopp
Someone Like Me ~ Röyksopp
Only This Moment ~ Röyksopp
Operate ~ Peaches
Devils ~ Greg Weeks
Black Coffee (The Neptunes Remix) ~ All Saints
Black Coffee (The Wideboys Espresso Mix) ~ All Saints
Charlie's Angels 2000 Apollo 440
Lose My Breath (Unknown Remix) ~ Destiny’s Child

It may not all be the best of music, but I like it, and I feel good, because I actually bought it instead of being a scum-sucking illegal downloader… or something. I think I am going to download some more music later… when I am sober. Haha, never drink and shop! I once did, and I didn’t remember buying the pants later that day. Also, they weren’t all that great.

Hmm, Heather, if you read this and have the Fischerspooner #1 album, can I borrow it? Also, you should hit the bars with us tonight!

OH! Time for the “what I got for my birthday” part of the post!

I got the upgrade from Photoshop CS to CS2
I got roses (cutest EVER!)
Aaaand I got cards often accompanied by money
Also, my mother bought a killer flash for my father’s camera. I can’t wait to test it!

Hmm, I almost forgot a funny, and terribly embarrassing story!

Closing night of the play was also my birthday. After the bow and the kind words to Ms. Riches, everyone sang happy birthday to me. I kind of tried to hide back stage, but I was physically forced back to the stage where I was filmed; red face and all. I didn’t go to the after party today, just because I didn’t want to see myself on camera. I really can’t stand looking at or hearing myself. It’s just so unnatural and awkward.

What else can I talk about? Umm, my nose and top of mouth have been sore and have even hurt recently. I take it as feeling returning, but the fact that my nose hurts and feels like its all pressured (I can’t describe the feeling) makes me a little concerned. I think I’m going to have to contact my surgeon about it.

I think I have said everything, so I suppose this is goodnight. I can’t wait for Kathleen to return to me…


Night!
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#NUMBER 141ONEHUNDRED&FORTYONE [May. 11th, 2006|03:00 am]
[Current Music |wasted time ~ the rubbermaids]

Hmm, I think right now is a good time for most people. From what I hear people are growing out of destructive habits and reflowering into the people I once admired and care for. I judge harsh sometimes, and in some cases it’s brilliantly refreshing to be proven wrong. Tough love… Say it without warmth and maybe they will introspect. Figure out where one wants to go and what to hold dear… I think I need a kick in the ass… and maybe a good coffee conversation.


Tell me your story.
I promise I will listen.
Tell me your reasons.
I can’t disagree with them.
And Tell me when;
Because I want to cheer you every step of the way.


Youth is eternal, your body is not.


I’m nineteen. I feel good. Good morning.

365 days
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#NUMBER 140ONEHUNDRED&FORTY [May. 10th, 2006|04:00 pm]
[Current Music |can't take my eyes off you ~ frankie valli]

Browsing sites such as MySpace and Nexopia is such fun. People really need to learn to love themselves as they are or start a diet. Seriously! Contrasting out your facial features, sucking in your cheeks, squishing your chubby thighs together and taking the shot from way above your head is NOT FOOLING ANYONE. We all know that you are fat, and I don't really mind not knowing what you look like, but COME ON! It's like a clone factory!

In other, less important news, Britney Spears has announced her pregnancy number two. I knew this though as she recently has been looking gorgeous again. Those pregnant ladies and their always looking so damn cute you wanna feed them hordes of sandwiches! Also preggers is my favourite Ex, soon to be Re, Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell. Yes, later this year the girls will be releasing their Greatest Hits Album. Everyone is getting one for Christmas! <3 <3 <3

I shall conclude my celebrity gossip with this. I think despite her resent amazing nose job Ashlee Simpson is still below attractive. Also, she still has cankles and bad teeth! That’s right, I went there. What you gonna do? Say somethin’, say sun’tin’!

Okay, so two hours till I act again. I shall work on secret project mother’s day.
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#NUMBER 139ONEHUNDRED&THIRTYNINE [May. 10th, 2006|07:30 am]
[Current Music |dear mr. president ~ pink]

So, it is my birthday tomorrow. I am not sure I am looking forward to it. I don’t really have any expectations, though I believe the child in me is hoping for something amazing like… a tripod. Haha, totally serious. But no, tomorrow will be another day, where I get up early and hunt for a place of employment, and act in play, and maybe witness the may tree in my yard bloom. Actually yesterday was a day of firsts for me.

I smelt the gentle scent of the may flowers, I acted in the opening night of Check Please, and I watched Bring It On… Okay I have seen it a million times, but it was the first time watching it this year.

I am soooo not straight-edge. I drink or smoke the wiggly weed almost daily(by almost daily, I mean maybe a few times a week, tops... though I have been relatively straight-edge since Kathleen left… yesterday) Haha, wiggly. TOTALLY NOT HIGH! Though apparently I am going to do Magic Mushrooms as a birthday present. I am going to be nineteen. That actually makes me horrendously anxious. Not the drugs, that’s just an experiment; the anxiety and I are joined in uber pandemonium over the age I am soon to become. I’m pretty much not happy about it. I am dreading Thursday. I am sure presents will help ease my transition though :P

Actually, closing night of the play Check Please is that night. I am SOOO getting plastered before I act… Or not. But it’s going to happen after no matter what!

Aeon Flux was enjoyable, but like most films, I felt like it could have been much more intelligent. I also saw Monster the other night. Wow, totally makes you feel for the killer lady. Poor bitch; if only she were smarter… and NOT abused/raped. Hmm, I still gotta make time to watch North Country, and then I shall swear off Chalize Theron… at least for a little while.

I am making a list of movies I want to see or see again, and also books I want to read. Let me know if you have any recommendations.

Poll #726091 Recommendations
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Movie

Book & Author



Umm, like always, this really doesn’t do justice to the actual events of my life, but this shall have to suffice for now.


And for my next David Blaine inspired trick, I shall sleep for approximately 8 hours now!

Boomba!
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#NUMBER 138ONEHUNDRED&THIRTYEIGHT [Apr. 29th, 2006|10:00 pm]
[Current Music |danger (high voltage) ~ electric six]

It seriously bothers me that people watch the shit that is broadcast on television. American Idol? Are you serious? Canadian Idol? My brain is dead! Thank you VERY much! Okay, I love America’s Next Top Model, and I watch the clips from every country via the wonders of the interweb. Now on May 31st, I shall have Canada’s Next Top Model to waste countless hours of my life with! I seem to have become addicted to “Project Runway” and the UK’s “Project Catwalk”. They are quite inspiring.

Being an optimist is tiring. I just ate enough to hibernate, so that is exactly what I am going to do. I think I should be at Caitlin’s, but unfortunately I am not well enough for the task. The leaves on trees had me so happy that my heart rate increased, causing a headache to worsen. Oh how I am not a happy person at the moment. I need tomorrow to revamp.


Ummmm, goodnight?
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#NUMBER 137ONEHUNDRED&THIRTYSEVEN [Apr. 29th, 2006|02:30 pm]
[Current Music |whiskey lullaby ~ rex goudie & melissa o'neil]

Last night I went to my sixteen thousandth Prom with Diondra. It was nifty. I danced, probably poorly, noticed how obscenely generic most of the dresses were and also noticed how nauseatingly good-looking certain unnamed males were… WHY?!?!?!

Okay, so after the whole prom thing that I have grown over accustomed to, I went home… No, that is a lie. I went and got my drink on, yo! We ditched Mike’s and crew, and went out to the wilderness to get slammed, like all Canadian’s! Sheyeah, Diondra, Nikko, Nicole, Argie, Megan, and other people too all went out to some dude’s cabin. I was drunk within ten minutes, but felt stupid, so I naturally went and found more booze.

Here is the highlight of the night for me. Mason, some boy who I don’t know well… or basically at all, kept asking me to throw him cheetos. So I did, and then he told his girlfriend my name and that I was gay. And then the both did that, “Ohhh!” thing, as though I suddenly made sense. I didn’t enjoy it. I felt like a stereotype. But anywho, that was my nights sob story. I actually wonder if he thought I couldn’t here him. Like, “It’s okay, he’s gay. I hear they have bad hearing...”

We ended up at Megan’s cabin where we slept, and later woke, and ate.

I just dropped Nicole off at her grandparent’s vacant home (two houses down). Needless to point out, it is no longer vacant. I have so many stories to tell, but I am hung over and waiting for my taquitos to finish backing so I can take my accutane and curl up on the mattress in front of the TV in the basement and watch some good ole Indiana Jones. If anyone wants to join me, go for it. Just don’t expect me to move or talk or acknowledge you at all.

Ugggrrrgah!


Also, I have a pocket full of Nicole's fake nails... I am going to photograph them and post them... later... taquitos are done
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#NUMBER 136ONEHUNDRED&THIRTYSIX [Apr. 25th, 2006|05:00 am]
[Current Music |made ~ greg weeks]

First things first!

I drove stick tonight! That is right! Heather and I were bored, even after coffee, making and eating a feast, and… yeah, that’s about as much as we accomplished before being bored out of our skulls. So, we were going to go out on the front step and let Heather have a smoke while we planned what to do next. We ended up driving around town for a bit before the thought hit.

Heather drove us to the Multiplex parking lot, and I learned. I jerked hardcore twice, and stalled it once… well twice, but that was immediately following the previous stall. About 10 seconds. I was shocked at how quick I was getting it. It was very dark and I was afraid to drive fast, so I only got up to third, but boy was that a trip! My adrenaline was threatening a heart attack. So now all I need to do is actually acquire a real live driver’s licence!

After my amazing driving session, we ended up at Denny’s in hopes of meeting other locals to socialize with. We arrived, as though planned by the almighty Katie, perfectly with the Lesbian crew… They should all have matching leather jackets and sing songs from grease… Anywho, Nicole, Amy, the Sylviator, Heather and I all got crappy service and there fore there was no tip… in fact, money probably came up short. I AM INNOCENT! I simply had water. I still feel like a right douche though.

After that, Heather and I wandered over to “The Guys Apartment” where we caught the tail end of Finding Neverland. Also we wrote and drew disturbing imagery on their dry erase boards. The contents of which would surely have zombie Jesus sending us straight to hell. Nic was quiet, Cole was a flirt, and Dan was a rock. Yeah… now I am home, sitting here, writing in my LJ.

SO
I went out Saturday night with Viv and Kat, and we sat outside the Kinsman as there was a ridiculously overpriced but stupendous rave going on in the basement. Twenty-five dollars was more than we were willing to spend to go in, so instead we stood out in the cold and socialized with all the overheating E-tards and those who joined them. Now it’s time for:

PAUL’S MIDNIGHT REVELATIONS

I don’t like drugs, or what they do to people, or people who are on them. Seriously, I was rather repulsed by them… especially this one boy who shall remain nameless who seriously needs to overdose on something and die already. *coughTOMMYcough*
Honestly the single most repulsive human to ever exist.

[I am a hypocrite, as I do like people on drugs, but only when I am on them too… but I shall get to that]

Also, who thinks that being the ‘King and Queen’ of fucking Prince George raves makes you hot shit? It’s hilarious watching them parade about like they somehow matter. PATHETIC! I might one day write more on this, but I think I would go to far into a certain persons psychology, and then I would have to name them, and then they would find this, be offended, and probably try cause some problems for me.

I know I have tried E before, and I liked it. I didn’t like the after affects, and I don’t want to think of the damage I may have caused my body, and therefore, to some peoples disappointment, I don’t think I can ever do it again. I really have no desire to either, so that’s good. I don’t even want to drink or get high. I have no reason to. All I really wanna do is dance… well actually sleep…

NIGHT!


PS. I saw Justine, an old friend, at the rave, and that was swell.


Click PINK Now
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#NUMBER 135ONEHUNDRED&THIRTYFIVE [Apr. 23rd, 2006|07:30 am]
[Current Music |situation ~ yazoo]

So, my father and mother are back from Vancouver. Easter was quiet, and I am certain I am now 90% chocolate.


It is amazing how much commercial music is liked by me. I have much of it… In fact, my mother’s newest work CD (#16) consists of nothing but songs I have recently heard in adverts. My favourites are:

Emerge ~ FischerSpooner (Feria by L’Oreal hair colour advert)
We Run This ~ Missy Elliott (Stick It movie trailer)
Streamline ~ Newton (Pepsi advert featuring Jimmy Fallon & Parker Posey)

Speaking of Parker Posey, I have yet to see her as a character I don’t love to death. She is simply the single loveliest Hollywood actress. One day I shall party with her… she seems the party/good time type. If not, I at least have my pleasure in her continuing career in film.

Returning to the music, I love that song Emerge; I just can’t help it. If you have seen the commercial it is from, you know it is the single longest reoccurring commercial on television today. And every time it airs, I dance. Now, there is a plenty amusing music video for this song here (smaller version). The people in it make me happy. Seriously, it’s hardcore WOW!/WTF?


So someone started this whole Wikipedia frenzy of Events, Births and Deaths. It got me thinking (Amazing, I know) about all these people and things that have happened that don’t include me.(You didn't expect me to be serious did you?) I shall choose one of each and somehow make it all about me. That or blither on about it till your/my brain hurts.

MAY ELEVENTH

Event

# 330 - Byzantium is renamed Nova Roma during a dedication ceremony, but is more popularly referred to as Constantinople.

Seriously, this was the most fascinating thing next to people using nuclear bombs or laws surrounding them being created. Why don’t they just drop nuclear bombs on what was Constantinople, but is now more commonly known as Istanbul. Then they could have another nuclear/war related event (or song) that is just as dimwitted. This kind of reminds me of the other day when I was reading about plane crashes. It got me so mad that I wanted to make a short documentary called, “This Is How I Kill Myself” (Tihikm for short). Believe it or not, it wasn’t the plane crashes that had me feeling this way, but all the same, I bet you can guess the plot of the documentary.

Anywho, back to the whole ‘Byzantium renamed Nova’ thing; Why don’t they just get it over with and call it Pauland? We all know it will happen sooner or later at the rate they’re going threw names.


Births

1904 - Salvador Dali, Catalan painter (d. 1989)

For those of you who don’t know who Mr. Dali is, shoot yourself in the face now. If you don’t have a firearm, perhaps you should take the nearest sharp object you can find, and start chiselling your eyes out. Now that that is out of the way, Dali was undeniably self-centred and insane.(Much like myself, but to the uber extreme.) This man is famed for attempting to make himself more mad! So mad that he called himself a drug! I think he is famous for saying something like “My insanity is the only thing that keeps me sane”. Well Mr. Dali, I am sorry I am the one who has to tell your rotting remains this, but I EAT BABIES!

Actually I do nothing of the sort, but it’s hard to ‘one up’ such a prominent and famed figure of psychosis. Anyway, I myself am actually taller than Dali, making me greater than him. Who needs master painting and flamboyant lunacy when you are tall! Albeit by only two and heif inches. WHAT YOU SAY? Schfiftyfive!

Salvador Dali’s apprentice is a numbskull. I hope he googles his name, and finds this and desides to make a sad little logo for another upcoming pop group, or maybe find a fork I have eaten off of and stick it to his car. Seriously, this guy tries way too hard to be crazy. Unfortunately it’s not charming or in any way intelligent. It’s sort of like watching a five year old who just saw someone do a cartwheel try to copy it but fail miserably…

NOTE TO SELF: Pick up a book of analogies!

His name is Uri Geller, famous fraud psychic. Yeah, he claims to be Mr. Dali’s apprentice, but I claim he is a waste of existence… Piece of—

So Dali had this damn fine photo called In Voluptas Mors where he appears on the left hand side and on the right, 5 women are woven to form the shape of a skull. Anywho, The name of the piece, “In Voluptas Mors” reminds me of the band Mars Volta which in turn reminds me of the band The Set. And all three make me happy. It would have been swell to see them all together in the same room…

Mr. Dali and Disney made a short animated movie together based on his paintings, but I have yet to see it. So if you ever happen to see it or hear of its release, let me know.


Deaths

2001 - Douglas Adams, English author (b. 1952)

I believe in his death he wanted me, Paul Kerbrat, to finish his ever hysterical series, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”. In my continuation of the series there will be much more sex. Sex of every kind! Why there would be aliens with 18 different genders all required for procreating! Every procreationfest would be an orgy! Of course there would just me massive amounts of phalli and vulva… and probably some other highly detailed amusing sexual organs. Brilliance it would be! The particulars would be stupendous! Every moan and squishy sound captured with my brilliant and never repetitive—umm—words—no—Vocabulary! Also, I think they should explode into tiny versions of themselves after their copulation ends… When you Wikipedia the word ‘copulation’, there are photos of lions going at it… just so you know.

Okay, I won’t continue his novels, blasphemising (not a real word) them with crude sexual jokes; But instead push on to create a novel so stupendous that people will forget all other authors exist, or for that matter, even existed! I shall write a book about a boy with a scar shaped like a wardrobe on his forehead who must destroy the one code that will bring down the US Government…while wearing a fur coat? Or something just as hodgepodge-y.

I need to start writing… I have an awesome script taking shape (sense the conceit?)… I might show people, but I seriously love it, and therefore I don’t think I will. That way you can’t steal my ideas and also so you all can suffer! MUAHAHAHA! (The funniest part is that I am totally serious!)


AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT


Okay, lets say that there is this pedophile who happens to work in a clothing store called Bluenotes who you are certain is the only reason you havn’t been hired at the venue… Should you find a way to get him arrested, or just cripple him so he is unable to work? ( I am very not serious, and this most certainly is a joke made in the hopes of hurting one person’s pedophile heart and amusing thousands of others, and not a threat… you sick pile of vomit! I really don't think I have to worry though, because if he did go to the police, he would also be admitting he is a pedophile!) Broken hearts remind me of King Kong.


I love King Kong. I have not seen a movie that makes me squirm or scream more. Ginormous bugs and I do not get along well together. I was actually terrified… and embarrassed. Luckily I was watching it with Kathleen so no one but she can make fun of me. I totally FREAKED…

I rather liked when the black man was worried about the young white boys education, safety and future. It was amusing because Kathleen and I discussed how the black man didn’t have much of a bright future in 1930’s America; he wanted the things he couldn’t have for young Jimmy. Then I stated, “What? It’s okay to be racist if it’s historically accurate.” Which at the time was hysterical…

I feel bad that we don’t even get a glimpse into young Jimmie’s post Kong life… Maybe he drowns in the water? Or maybe he makes it back to New York and becomes a hustler… Or maybe, my personal favourite, he becomes one of those boys who stand on the corner shouting, “EXTRA, EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!” There probably is a high suicide rate among those boys. I mean it was the ‘30s and it was probably just as common as peroxide blond hair! But seriously, once they loose their cute boyish charms, they probably loose there tips and shortly after, their will to live. So there you have it, if he didn’t drown, he most definitely committed suicide.

That movie was quite long and probably should have been a three part mini series, but I highly recommend it… Though there were some unbearable scenes which contained cheesy acting like something made in Canadian cinema.

King Kong dies in the end… in case you didn’t know… and I had to make jokes to prevent myself from crying… All I could think was “Don’t cry! It was just a huge ape!” But then I thought, “If it was a tiny monkey, I would do the same!” But yes, I kept from tearing up over a stupid monkey… Poor computer generated Kong…


I also saw that documentary My Date With Drew
Plot: 30 days, $1100, For an Ordinary Guy to Get a Date with Drew Barrymore
Joy after wasting 90 minutes of your pathetic lives: %100! (GO DREAMS!)

Speaking of Drew! I finally drew a banana peel tattoo that I like. It was a quick sketch, so it will be cleaned up a bit. I added some shading via Photoshop.

origional
Yupyupyup, it shall be on my foot!

It sort of reminds me of an octosquid...

Now I shall tell an awkward and somewhat embarrassing story! There once was this photo of a guy in Spongebob Squarepants underwear who was totally adorable. It was too cute for words. I think even totally straight males would have to stifle their Aww’s.

Anywho, somehow Kathleen and I stumbled upon this same photo and we both somehow brought it up and were amazed when it turned out to be the exact same photo. It said his name underneath the photo, so I, being to stupid person I am, googled it. His name is Ralph Woods. He is a mega pretty adorable French-Canadian, who isn’t a model as I first suspected, but rather a porn star. Now, he is gorgeous, and gay. Now unfortunately, he is, as I said, a porn star. Even worse, he is married… To another porn star no less.

Anywho, you are probably wondering why I would write about all this? Well, after a string of off coincidences leading Kathleen and myself to discover this fellow, a humorous ending ensues. The other day while I was looking through Coles bookstore, I saw a magazine with “Porn stars divorce over infidelity claims” on the cover. Now, it wasn’t them, but it was really funny all the same… Was that a total waste of your time?

I am baffled though; Mr. Woods is just far too cute to be a porn star. Oh well, I shall wrap this up riiiight now!


NIGHT!



PS. I found out today that a young woman who works with my mother lied about her sickness… which is beyond terrible as I totally sympathised for her, and even worse, cared about here…

PPS. I will write about my midnight revalations later<3
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