I worked all night long last night! Dreams of work are nuts! I was relieved getting up! How often does that happen?
AND OMGOMGOMG! Seta is three months preggers! Oh gosh! Oh Josh! You stud! Oh wow!
On my walk/running as fast as my legs can go voyage to work yesterday morning I was stopped by a gentleman of about 25 calling at me from his apartment. He wanted to know if I could see his weed plant from his window. He had hidden it behind another plant, but it was still peeking out from behind. So I called up that he should trim it back. He sounded offended and yelled, “I ain’t giving you my trimmings!”
“Is it high in here, or is it just me?”
Katie, Kat and I are all sitting on a bed leaning against the wall blitzed out of our skulls. “Guys… we’re high… in a pink room…” 15 minutes later “Guys… we’re still high… in a pink room…”
I strongly suggest everyone try some weed and watch a little film called The Producers. I laughed so hard. SO hard. That movie is brilliantly funny sober, so imagine it in a state of infinite giggly happiness barf. FANtastic!
Would I be a bad parent to name my potential future child Lucifer? I mean, he was once an angel, and supposedly God named him, and it’s a really gorgeous name! The reason I ask is because “I, Lucifer” by Glen Duncan is about to be made into a film and it just reminds me how much I love the name. Daniel Craig, Mr. Bond James Bond himself is going to be playing him. Oh how I love Layer Cake! Daniel! Why have I not seen you as Bond! I FAIL!
Anywho, I shopped yesterday, though I got nothing of any substance. I am going to go to College Heights with Mike today so he can get his new iPod Shuffle. I also need to send mail, but I am not sure how well I will do at this. I was attacked by cute kittens all night long. It was torture, and I’m not kidding. You cannot harm a kitten or even three, no matter how many times they scratches at your face and sit on your head. They are so annoying, but so cute. When they do get tuckered out and they lie with you and sleep, it’s just the cutest thing in the world.
On my way home from Danielle’s, where I spent the night, I saw a glamorous woman walking her equally glamorous afghan hound. I had never seen one before today, or if I had, I had not appreciated it for its graceful manner. It snowed another foot overnight, so it was quite the sight.
* * * * *
Okay, so I need to start posting when I am done writing. So anyways, since I left this… yesterday, maybe the day before, it’s snowed at least another foot. It is insane. Oh Em Gee! So much snow! Everywhere! It’s like being a midget in a normal winter! Speaking of people with dwarfism; The other day while waiting for the bus, I saw a small child—I am laughing so hard typing this—and blurted out with professional foot-in-mouth results, “Oh my god! Is that a midget!?!?” Mike and Amberlee were with me and we all were laughing stupidly hard. We may have been intoxicated.
Before we went out to the bus we were sitting in the mall atrium to stay warm, and some bratty children called us bums and swore at us and threw milk. It was infuriating. I wanted to throw them under a moving vehicle, but they were running so fast like mad folk that I didn’t have to worry. Yes, they were hit by a truck. The truck stopped and both of them were pinned under each other, under one wheel. Pretty intense if I do say so myself. And me, being the nice person I am, I made many jokes about road kill. They were dead by then of course. Mike went over and urinated on them...
Okay, I am totally making this up! They ran and played in the snow, they didn’t die, though now, if they did, I would feel horrible!
Anywho, today I had a fantastic time working, and I have the next two days off. I am excited! I also get paid on Friday, so hopefully I can catch up on a few more things.
lovestoned/ithink she knows [interlude] ~ justin timberlake
So we are on official Blizzard warning for the first time in my life. SO EXCITING! SO COLD! SO… miserable.
I will start with some sweet misery, so that the happiness is more so in comparison.
My neighbour of sixteen years just died. He was old and had Alzheimer’s and kidney failure, but it’s tragic all the same. I feel so stomach in my butt for Trudy. Loosing a husband must suck.
I won’t even venture farther into that, cause if I do… ouch…
Anywho, that is all the bad I can remember… apart from nearly suffocating on the cold this morning on my walk/run to work. It was scary. I had a toque, and a scarf and everything! It was SO cold… but luckily I didn’t work the day before yesterday, when it was minus 33C! I would certainly be dead if I had.
SPEAKING OF DEATH! (Reoccurring theme what?) I woke at 2am to the most realistic and horrifying car crash dream I ever did have. In it Naomi was driving up 15th on the corner of Central, and she was in a terrible accident… And it was awful. Then today, when she was dropping me off after taking amusing photos for her band (PLUG!) The Arbitrarys, we lived through the exact dream minus the crash of course. The scary thing is that just down the road where Ospika and 15th meet, Naomi was almost in an accident the other day. CREEPY! Today after taking pics of the band (Naomi and Josh) we went to Than Vu (sp?) and had some eats. Vietnamese is the bomb! More about Asians coming up soon.
In slightly amusingness: A while ago someone attempted suicide, and luckily for me, and for them, and the rest of the world, they were unsuccessful. Anyways, I was talking to this person on the phone last night when I looked at my wrist and saw a scratch running the length of the vein on the underside of my arm. Of course I decided to verbalize this as, “Oh wow! It looks like I attempted suicide!” Luckily for me nothing but laughter ensued. It was actually quite hysterical. I think that laughing was very much needed.
That is one of many, many documented cases of my foot-in-mouth disease. Yesterday on the bus there were two other incidents. On a bus loaded with Asian students I noticed one who was mega bundled up outside at the bus stop. I meant to ask if that person was freezing and if they should be on this bus. But all I got out was, “Is that an Asian?!” before I noticed what I said and hid my face. Also, the bus kept going over these huge snow bumps, and every time we would I would comment on how it was like we were driving over dead bodies. Katie asked why I kept saying so, and I commented that I had just watched Hotel Rwanda. For those of you who have not seen this film, you now must.
In past news, I went to Vancouver, and saw Joel Parisien and his band NewWorldSon perform, hung out a bit, and went to a gay bar where there were unexpected strippers in showers. It was far too amusing. I also ate felafels, and I don’t remember what else…
Umm, I have been getting signed up for banking, and get this! I am signed up for RRP’s! How brilliant! Hopefully by the time I am old and wrinkly, I will have a large sum saved up to create an indestructible robot, hell-bent on global destruction! (I am now on the FBI’s ten most wanted list)
I am going to play with photos now, so later betches!
PS. Post 151 in honour of Mew, the 151st Pokemon. THAT’S RIGHT!
PPS. I work from 9-5 tomorrow! My baby takes the morning train he works from nine till five and then He takes another home again to find me waiting for him
I work at Starbucks now, and that is pretty excellent. And I am now working for the boutiques in town doing photoshoots to try entice people into shopping downtown again. Other than that, life is *POO*. Complete and total *POO*. A million and one not good things have happened lately, and though they are nearly impossible to ignore all the time, work and people are good at keeping me distracted. I might start blogging again. It has been ages and ages since my last post.
PS. I am not depressed or suicidal or anything, just totally bummed.
I’ve decided my life goal is to become rich enough to become addicted to plastic surgery. Oh the faces I would go through. I think I would eventually look something like Michael Jackson, but instead of bleached skin, I’ll be without skin at all. Okay, I’ll have just enough so that each of my bones will be entirely distinguishable from the next. Before that though, I will have liposuction to remove all my fat from my entire body and put it all into my lower eyelids, so I can look like one of those funny goldfish. You know, the ones with the huge bags for lower eyelids? I will be so glamorous! I can’t wait!
Am I the only one who cried at the news of Steve Irwin’s death? How terrible! He was such an enthusiastic entertainer, and a committed conservationist. I am surprised that George W. Bush didn’t declare war on those terrorist stingrays of the evil nation of The Great Barrier Reef. Oh Steven! WHY? I feel so sad for his wife and kids. I am also terribly depressed about the School shooting in Montreal. Them Frenchies are gonna give us Canadians a bad rep… Totally kidding! You can leave that to me!
I am also sad for all the friends who are off the Victoria and other locations for school. It’s a miss/jealously thing really. I unfortunately missed many goodbye parties, and for that I am terribly sorry. I will venture to visit you all!
Anyone else totally shocked that Tomkat made a gorgeous baby and not an alien? Hopefully she isn’t brainwashed Scientologist. I often wonder how celebrities get so stupid, but then I remember, they were all raped… or aaaalmost raped. AKA This one time their uncle looked at them and smiled.
In other celebrity gossip, that I for no reason that I can come up with care about, Poor Anna Nicole Smith. I can’t imagine what having the joy of a new daughter to the mourning of a son must be like. That would be so messed up.
In happier news! iPods just got WAY too cool. For those of you who have not yet seen the new Shuffle, it is the cutest thing I have seen in ages. It’s super tiny, clips anywhere, holds a gig of music, and a battery life of 12 hours. And for under $100, I think I may consider getting one. I still want a new video iPod despite having a perfectly fine non-video one. I think it’s really cool to have the possibility to watch movies and television on it, but a major pain that they are only available in the states. I actually probably would never watch movies on it unless I was on a bus trip or something, so I really don’t need one.
So The Set was here last night, and it was pretty awesome. I stayed at the front of the show with Katie and Aisha, and had a blast being pushed around by the moshpit behind me. I was sort of creeped out by the random who at one point started to gently run their finger up and down my spine. Awkward! Katie and I left after The Set’s set because we were tired, and so we had some tea at her apartment (Earl Grey with Jasmine) and then I walked home. My shoes really should be retired, but when I walk in them they make a soft beat that makes walking places fun. I was quietly whispering lyrics to the beat of my shoes as I walked home, and I actually wrote my first non-total crap song. Katie and I are now determined to construct a band. Though, this has happened many times before. Ha-ha
Katie, Kat and I were all wearing disgustingly GAP-like clothing today which turned into an on going, all through the day, joke. My favourite was when we were lying in the sun at the school field.
Katie: This is SUCH a GAP ad. Me: But there are bugs. There are no Bugs in GAP ads!
For the past forever, Katie, Kat and I have been known to randomly break out into song and interpretative dance, and as luck would have it the past two days have been chalked full of it. It started two nights ago when Katie didn’t want to sleep alone at her apartment. She came over and we watched Josie and the Pussycats, and when we were supposed to be sleeping we were coming up with the most random bull. There was hiding under the blankets from ghosts and zombies, and discussions about how hiding under the blankets perfects you from scariness. And then there was the sharing of dreams (coming soon) and then the talk of portals, and how ‘fart’ can be used to make songs and entire novels comedy (“Everybody -----“ and “---- of Darkness”) and then last, the beginning of all the song and dance. My blanket had somehow got stuck under the barbell next to me, and so when I freed it I sang “Cant hold us down!” In reference to the song by Christina Aguilera. We were sleep deprived, so I was all very funny to us at the time.
The next day we were on our way to complete a few errands and found that we had “Total Eclipse of the Heart” stuck in our heads. We were singing and walking and being overly expressive, and then it hit; “Eternal Flame”. We were acting retarded! Soon we were remixing “My Humps” with “Hot in Herre”. “I am getting so hot, I’m gonna take my humps, my humps, my humps…” Then it got obscene with a little “When I think about you I wanna fuck you like an animal”. While being GAP kids today we continued our ways, while also reminiscing about such unfortunate hits as “Liquid Dream”. Has everyone seen that Audrey Hepburn commercial for GAP? It verges on the cutest flashback ever. CLICKYCLICKYCLICK
I know there are a million things I should blog about, but I am going to have to sleep now.
I shall finish with a little act of hilarity that I wish everyone had witnessed for its “at the time” value. Amberlee, Sarah and I were chilling in the living room when the undeniable urge to intrude my father’s wallet creeped upon Amberlee. When she opened it and saw the photo of my dad inside, she quietly whispered, “Papa?” SO FUNNY! I was laughing so hard for a good half hour and then I would crack up again randomly when I thought about it. Oh the tears of laughter.
Wolfmother(the band) sound like what you would get if Ozzy Osbourne and Jamiroquai were made of mercury and melted and then reformed into one super being much in the way of that robot with the number name from the second Terminator flick melts and reforms. I love the Terminator films. I love Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest! Jerry Bruckheimer really knows what he is doing. And so does the person who thought to mix blueberries and green tea! Wicked awesome beverage it is! Though the idiot who designed the container is well… an idiot. It took using pliers to open it. Thankfully my father took over. I sort of rubbed my hands raw trying to open it.
Oh August ninth, two-thousand and six, I became the proud uncle of Destiny (Tiny) Diane Jas Kerbrat. She is so cute and has such tiny little fingers! Long, but tiny! She’s so sweet, and she has her daddy’s ears, and she only cries when he holds her… It shouldn’t be, but it’s terribly funny. I have unfortunately only seen her once so far, which is making me crazy, but I am sure once mommy is recouped, she will bring her around. That or my mother will kidnap her. She does such babynappings frequently.
In other news, I saw Mr. Mathew Good. It was spectacular. He was witty and funny and read from Worst Case Scenario books. He also spoke about that hate spreading, anorexic bitch we all know and love, Ann Coulter. It was pretty cool that he remembered the town and reminisced about the local bar, The Generator. But yeah, he was brilliant. He performed alone, and it was uber swell! The lights kept going out though, so some guy had to help him out by holding a flashlight every once in a while. The sky was gorgeous that night. There were a few coloured lights shining up into the tree canopies and they were stunning… when they were on.
None of the street lamps on my street light up at night anymore, which is cool for stargazing, but terrifying when random people deliver the newspaper at 3 bloody A-M. I didn’t know who would be at my step at 3am, so I got my dad to check it out. Cause I’m strong and manly!
Also, CONGRATULATIONS SETA & JOSH! They were happily married on the twelfth. I didn’t remember until literally an hour before the ceremony though. The reason lies within the events of the night before.
The previous night Diondra and Naomi kidnapped me. Ally joined us, and soon we were off getting rum that turned out to be vodka and champagne. Once again, the sky was absolutely phenomenal. For about half an hour Naomi and I sat and chatted alone drinking the champagne and admiring the shooting stars that turned out to be a meteor shower. When were rejoined we played on an elementary school playground and sang Spice Girls. We were offered donuts by Shane West, and eventually we were nearly run over by Tanner, Mitch, Jamie, and Chris. We ran. They ran too. And we were left with a straggler. Actually, we were expecting him. Yes, Jamie joined us.
Soon Diondra found herself wanting a bed to sleep in, so we retuned her to her mother, and continued on. We were going to take Jamie home, but none of us were ready for sleep just yet. So, instead we went to yet another elementary school playground and played, and some peed. It seemed totally normal at the time to pee down the staircase! (I didn’t do it) OH! There were these sweet monkey bars that from now on whenever I find myself intoxicated I want to sit on. Watching shooting stars and the moon and the haunting clouds from up there was magnificent!
Eventually we got bored and lost Ally, so once we found her, we made our way down to Wilson Park, where we all rested on the riverbed and watched more shooting stars and the sunrise.
After a bit we went on a voyage to take Ally home. We stopped at another playground, this time in a park, and admired the sunrise. There was a gentle pink wash straight across the whole sky, and then little blue blotches going in lines perpendicularly. The blue clouds had a rapidly growing neon pink edge that was breathtaking. And then it was gone. In literally a second, all the pink edges vanished. We were all like, “WTF! Where did it goooo!?! DO we be CRAzZzZy?”
Yeah, and then we split with Jamie, so Naomi and I slept at my house. We made blueberry pancakes when we woke, and then I remembered the wedding. It was chaos. In an hour we ate, I got Keri and Kathleen forewarned, and we got there, in suit! Oh yes!
Katie moved into her new apartment. I love. Also, I saw AJ for the first time in a long time. Or so it seems. Miss the kid I do. And I got a book In Me Own Words: The Autobiography of Bigfoot by Graham Roumieu. It’s so funny. Here are my favourite poems that make me happy:
LOVE IS SAD Man on funny car Me love! Want for Bigfoot wife One day me catch Try make baby But you head collapse Like sock full of eggs Me Cry Birds cry too Me sad
Stop, Smell Rose Where you go Man on Road? Why you run When me want to talk? You manners bad So me learn you good Tear off legs So no more run. :)
Riding Bike Tree is gone So is bike Bike Chained to tree Some me stral truck Back into you While you ride me bike. You could scream help But me eat you face.
Do you know what else makes me happy? Gorgeous transsexual male asian singing dancing sensations! That’s what!
Lady ~ Lady’s Night
I have no idea what they are saying, but the music is so catchypopsuperhappyfuntime that I really don't even care!
I know, I know, everyone hates when blogs become nothing but videos, but I am sorry, I simply must share all this awesomeness!
If you are in need of a ridiculously hard laugh, click HERE
And in honour of the catchy late summer hit song and interweb favourite movie, I give you:
"We need to get these mutha fuckin’ words off my mutha fuckin’ shirt!"
I figured Craig would get a kick out of this: Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
PS. Keep your eyes peeled for Pink's new single U + Ur Hand. The video is gorgeous... though totally just all about the glamour. I want to pull those diamonds out of her teeth. I think I would like her more if she let me. :P
I have been spending most of my time in bed. I am horribly depressed. My parents know, but I am able to get just pissy enough that they back off. Though I really just want to sit and talk with my mom. She knows that I want to talk to her though, she has for about a year, but she avoids all situations where we are alone. Whenever we are alone, there is complete and utter silence. Some of my depression has been enhanced by the uber mega infuriating news that my father has been given an estimate of how long he has to live, and that his bloody brain tumours are back with a vengeance. They are growing at a very much increased rate.
The funny thing is that just before this terrible news, there was a news report on one of those condescending god-like news shows that entrance the masses with totally unfounded scientific facts about miracles and scandals that really should be investigated properly or forgotten all together, where this nineteen year old boy was curing people with terminal illnesses, like cancer. I thought he was a quack and a fraud and a silly bastard, but now I just want him to make my dad all better…
I should call Kathleen and make sure she is not dead. She had a terrible kidney infection and was in the hospital. I felt bad for not seeing her, but then again I hadn’t been seeing anyone as I had just got the news about my father and had been spending my days spread across my bed or my couch. I really need to shower.
My hair is ridiculously long. I am gonna photowhore myself at some point today. Too many people are here currently. I will probably put my hair into a ponytail… just because I can… I just realized that Marcy has most of my makeup still. I will need it back at some point, if you read this. But for now just enjoy the south!
It is SUCH a relief to finally have some cool weather. We have just left the longest heat wave in all the recorded weather of Prince George’s history. It was pretty unbearable some days. I have had offers to take photos of people and their children, but I do not own a tripod, nor do I have the slightest idea of how much to charge. I think I will just have to discus what they expect to pay versus what I need to be paid. Need, what a terrible word.
I have to write some e-mails, so I leave you all with this:
I love Dannii Minogue. This is her video for “So Under Pressure”, her third single off her yet to be released new album. I am madly in love with the 80’s/pin-up girl vibe and how simple and gorgeous the vid is.
PS. Is it terrible that I think Keisha Chante's death would provide a huge service to Canada's music scene? She is absolute garbage, and a total embarrassment to herself and Canada as a whole. I hope she just disappears, and I never have to hear her crappy wannabe Kelly Clarkson meets BOND piece of shit song on the radio. I will destroy any mixCD's I find with her bull on it. I am sorry, but anyone who can support her or spread word of her existence needs to re-examine themselves. I know this seems terribly hypocritical of someone who posts vids of Dannii Minogue on their journal, but it isn’t. Take my word for it. <3
So I was offered $200 to take some drygrad photos for DPTODD a little while back, and I did everything I was supposed to, and yet, I have not been paid. I am furious times twelve over the whole deal, and am considering screaming bloody murder.
I worked today, at Fabricland. Inventory is a bitch! My arms are so sore, and I had the pleasure of spending the whole day with a boy who didn’t understand that pulling up ones pants, or actually using the belt they were wearing, would save my corneas from the hair rug, that was his ass. Yes, I am mean, but come on, no sleep and hours of weighing fabric… I think I deserve to be catty.
On the plus side, I totally found tons of fabric I am dying to turn into dresses… I shall need to learn to sew! Well… sew better.
Ooooo! I have funny drunk stories!
1) I went camping with Kat and Katie and a bazillion other folk out at Danielle’s ‘cabin’ for her birthday. I drank much, and smoked loads and witnessed Theo’s magical 14 minute fall into the lake. She just didn’t stop falling! It was priceless. Also, I met a girl who I was told all night I was not allowed to like. We were talking and getting along great, and then I asked her name. Needless to repeat, iIt was her, the biatch I was supposed to hate… The next morning I found her quite annoying and less than cool. Her ‘sex me’ issues were perverse and immature.(Cause you know, I am SO mature myself) I at one point was being hot boxed in a car, and found myself needing to barf. I left the vehicle and found my way to the tent were I crashed.
Not the best story, though it was a spectacular night. The best story actually takes place hours before all the drunken tomfoolery. We were trying to make are way out to Tabor Lake, but my terrible direction taking skills had us all the way out in Hixon. (45 minutes away from town) We decided to get some ice-cream and then we asked for directions again. It was fun telling everyone how we got so lost. It went like so:
“So, we all wanted ice-cream, and so we thought, ‘where can we find the greatest ice-cream?’ I think Hixon would be a mighty fine place to acquire our much needed ice-cream fix! HOW SWELL! “
And that was the story we stuck to.
2) On Canada day I wandered down to the river with many folk, including the much missed Elodie. How I miss thee! I drank so much so fast that I don’t remember the night. I don’t even remember falling face first into the fire, or Mike and Lor changing me into shorts. I do remember climbing a hill and puking into a white toilet. I also remember puking on the ground and listening to someone play Theory of a Dead Man. Now, I supposedly hit on Zack. I seriously do not remember that happening and I am terribly sorry if it did indeed occur. I woke to being in only my boxers and a shirt, and my bottom half hanging humorously over the edge of mikes bed.
I got up after everyone else had left so I spent a few hours chatting with Michael’s mummy. I then made my way to Kathleen’s, were Katie was house-sitting. She made me hangover food.
3) Unnamed female and I were sitting in my basement watching Titanic with the actor’s commentary(something I do far to often) chatting with Craig while downing much alcohol when we decided to go on an adventure to our elementary school, which is luckily only 321 steps away from my house. We climbed on top of the school and walked around, and then got the best idea ever! NAKED TIME! Yeah, we ran around the school naked. It was far to funny… and freeing!
We also played in the sprinklers and swung on the swings.
Not really a drunken story, but last night I did something fun, that had to effect on the others whom I was with. I had the most vivid dreams last night. They were like old school acid movies, but better… and one of the dreams was so pretty. Images kept changing from beautiful women walking to a cityscape, and then on and on until my alarm went off.
Um, I don’t really know what else to say. I think I am going to take a nap, and maybe doodle some.
So Nikko just came by, and gave me my check for $200. I really hope she didn't read this, cause I was sort of kidding, and the last thing I would want is for her to be offended. I got her number though, and I plan on hanging with her tomorrow. Maybe a movie, maybe many, or maybe just a simple but delicious coffee date?
Dude Faces and Lady Breasts! Gather around, for I Paul… have found myself with nothing better to do then to blog…
Today is my last day of Accutane. I haven’t been sleeping well. I am excited to get back to normal. It’s far too hard to force yourself to do absolutely everything. Bring on the mania!
I am listening to the A-teens… anyone remember that band? No? Well, I found them on an old mixCD. They bring me way back to the preteen days. How sickly.
I am very much modeling a towel at the moment. And my basements temperature totally has my nipples cutting diamonds. Yeah, I got out of the shower a good three to four hours ago. Oh well, my rents are en route to Mexico at the moment. It should be an enjoyable time for them. I totally have to clean up after the company last night. I should take magical before and after photos. Thank gosh my father didn’t want to take his camera.
Speaking of cameras! I totally am retarded and a million years ago, only not really, when The Set came to town, not only did I entirely forget they were coming, but when I was picked up, I forgot my camera. And guess who showed up?! Scott Loudoun, AKA, LJ’s scottage_cheese! He’s touring with them. I felt mega rude though as I kinda didn’t talk with him much. Mostly because when I was picked up I was preparing to sleep. I had just taken my jeans off when I heard the screaming of Diondra.
Kat, Kate and I all have been chilling together most of the spare time we have. Our co-dependency issues are freakish. Like we looked it up in a psychology book, and we all should basically be in ‘stand up on your own two feet’ therapy. The symptoms are perfect to a T! I think I might have pneumonia. I have all those symptoms too. Caughing up flem. DE Liscious! I should go see my doctor. I’ve kinda been hoping it’s just the worst case of hay fever ever… that, or maybe I’ve been possessed by the devil. Somebody exorcize me!
How I am missing my iPod. Its trip to China with Bo-Yi is hindering my desire to exercise. She and myPod will be home soon. My mother got an iPod Video. It’s very shiny. I put retarded amounts of video podcasts on it for her. I hope she likes fashion and crude cartoons as much as I do. *grin*
Paul “Sandwiches bring out the best in everyone!” Kat “YOU CHEESELESS HACK!”
Okay, so it’s only one quote. GET OVER IT! I can just tell you’re just fuming over my deception. I did write “QUOTES!”—OH MY GOD! Dream! Do you remember Dream? That craptastic popallgirlyslutband? Well they are on this mixCD too!—Anywho, seriously, there are more important things than quotes… like funny stories!
So, the other day Kat was digging through her freezer to find orange juice. She grabbed it, I said hi, and next thing I knew, Kat had thrown the orange juice at my face, recoiled in fear, and somehow managed to catch it before it broke my face… Then today when we were walking down my scary hallway of doom(sarcasm) my brother came out of his room, Kat freaked, and she threw me at him… SO much love. I am sure there are other stories of her freaky-deakyness almost resulting in my perishing. It’s comforting to know that if we were being chased by a psycho killer through the woods, and I tripped, she would be responsible.
OKAY! More funny stories!
There is this gang of drug dealers in town who refer to themselves as “The Crew”. They did terrible things to some coke junkie, like holding her prisoner in her home and stuff, but yes, that’s not funny. What IS funny is that the other night Katie and I thought that maybe Kat and Hailey would happen to be at Tim Hortons. So upon our arrival the doors were open but the place was entirely deserted. I made the comment that, “maybe ‘The Crew’ had been through.” Katie didn’t find this humorous. Nor did she find an earlier comment witty. I let it known that perhaps an alien invasion were about to come and kill us all. My logic was that I had been leaving half full and half empty(same thing) glasses of water everywhere. For those of you who haven’t seen Signs, do me a favour and play a game of Russian roulette. But make it interesting, leave all but one chamber loaded.
So I really do need to stick to one project. I have two more. One is to create retarded animations of the amusing. Like for instance, what is Amanda Lepore’s real goal in life? Well of course it’s to lick her nose! For those of you who have seen my impression of this, I am sure you will enjoy it. And then there is James St James. Oh to interview that almost 40yearold boy, why would he sit still? And what would he wear? It doesn’t matter if the interview has already begun, he simply must look FABULOUS! And then there’s that murderer Michael Alig. Oh how his draino fetish is simply unquenchable… haha. Of course there would be many others to make fun of… like Operah!
Yeah, that’s my other project. I want write a novel called “Oprah Hates White People”. I will do it by scanning every moment of her television career, all her magazines, and books for comments that lead me to document such thoughts. Because of Oprah’s name in the title, it would be an instant best seller. Then I would be on her show, tell her it was all for fame, and that I respect her and what she is doing to empower women, yadda, yadda, yadda. And then, I would get to witness… the “ugly cry.” HOW THRILLING!
Anywho, That is enough for now…
PS. I am going to try to create something everyday.